


I wanna see the stars with you // JaeYong

by xRenx



Category: K-pop, NCT (Band)
Genre: Bittersweet, But it's constantly present, Childhood Memories, Death is not actually mentioned, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I swear it's really cute, Inspired by Tokyo at night, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Memories, Mild Smut, Minor Character Death, Not really described smut it just is there, Sad, Songfic, Stars, Sweet, This is probably my favourite story by me tbh, kinda sad, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:52:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22122124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xRenx/pseuds/xRenx
Summary: Jaehyun goes to a place full of memories and recalls them with a smile on his face, tears running down his face as he sets sunflowers on his best friend's grave.'Memories of laughs and cries, jokes and fights over our favourite plushies, gentle caresses on late mornings and forgotten umbrellas on rainy days flooded my mind. Your petite hands on mine in the middle of the bustling city full of people, holding on even under the neon lights of a bar full of other attractive men, alcohol boosting your confidence to the point I had to take you home to be able to control myself under your flirty gaze. You were pouting, but the next morning you woke up you thanked me, lips lingering on my cheek softly before you pressed your nose against my neck and threw half of your body over mine, demanding you needed morning cuddles.'It's not as sad as it could sound like, really bittersweet according to my friends, but I swear it's mostly fluff with a sad twist.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 5
Kudos: 18





	I wanna see the stars with you // JaeYong

**Author's Note:**

> I recommend listening to the mentioned song (Linkin Park - One more light) while you're reading, if you're a person who likes listening to music while reading!
> 
> Also, cause people might be confused along the story, let me explain a lil:
> 
> Jaehyun & Taeyong are the same age, their age is not defined but they're around 26-28
> 
> Johnny is a year older than Yuta and 8 years older than Jaehyun & Taeyong, whereas Yuta is 7 years older than them. 
> 
> Johnny is Jaehyun's big brother, Yuta Johnny's friend. 
> 
> This story isn't based on any certain place so you can imagine whatever you want, but I did get inspired by Tokyo at night.
> 
> ALSO I literally finished this at 2:30am so there's probably mistakes, and I feel like I should add a lot of things there, but I may do that later.

_Should've stayed, were there signs, I ignored?_

_Can I help you, not to hurt, anymore?_

_We saw brilliance, when the world, was asleep_

_There are things that we can have, but can't keep_

_If they say_

_Who cares if one more light goes out?_

_In a sky full of million stars._

Lights flickering, illuminating the distancing city, getting fewer and fewer the farther I move, before stopping. The car is parked to an empty parking space under a hill I was about to climb. Car door opens without a struggle, the paint still gloriously glistening under the stars. There are no streetlights in the area, fairy lights hung on trees by some locals, giving the area a nice and calming vibe alongside with the bright lights shining from the suburbia slightly below, the drop secured by thick bushes and a slightly rusty metal railing. Gravel rasps under my steps as I jump down from the leather seat of the car, shutting the door softly, trying not to make much noise, not bothering to look behind as I left the car there. They would understand me.

Small rocks roll down the steepening hill, raising for who would be down first, crossing the imaginary final line. We used to do that too as kids, and then as we grew older, watch the neighbours’ kids run down the exact same bumpy road, fall down at the same spots and ruin their white shirts that had just been snatched from the clothesline. Get up at the same spots, leave their sandals beside the big rock just below Old Shin’s backyard and scream of joy and despair after crossing the commonly known imaginary line by the two big oaks that probably still stood on their place, working as the finale line to another generation of joyful kids having no worry of the world, as their older siblings would sit on the edge of Old Shin’s backyard like we did back then. Mothers would come down the hill nagging at their children for missing the dinner time again yet smiling widely since they couldn’t actually stay mad at their children for having fun, dinner would stay warm on the stove anyway.

The rusty metallic railing is cold and uneven as I trace it with my calloused fingers. At one point the railing is bent a bit outwards, supposedly from an impact of a driver losing control of their car for a moment. There’s a lot of dents, some holes even, nasty and not so nasty things written with permanent markers by angsty teenagers and cliché couples who’ve leaned on the spot in the sweet hours of a late summer day. Other times of the year the place was pretty much abandoned, apart from occasional passers-by like me and you. You loved to come up here, especially around this time of the year. Maybe that’s why I’m here now too.

I recognize my own handwriting from the railing too, almost faded away by rain and foreign hands holding onto the frail railing in hope of some support to their steps. Those texts are old, but they make a small smile rise on my lips. “Fuck life”. That particular sentence makes me chuckle out loud. _Oh, how cliché I used to be as a teenager, guess I still am though, at least you’d say so._ And oh, how I wish I’d still be like that, like on that evening, wind roaring wild as I sat under the railing in worn-out shorts and hoodie, feet bare and mudded by the slightly wet ground, arms wrapped around my knees, sniffling slightly because of the chilly air. I was trying hard to hold a grudge against you, failing miserably when you came to get me few minutes before midnight, tears in your beautiful eyes that held the whole universe in them, pulling me to my feet and hugging me so tight I thought I wouldn’t be able to breathe, telling me to never disappear like that.

After that, it was never the same.

I take a shuddering breath, holding the railing a bit tighter as I stop to stare at the scenery in front of me for a bit. A mountain rises a bit further on the horizon. We climbed that mountain more than once; it was one of your “must do every summer” things. One time it was raining cats and dogs, but we still made our way up to a small rest place, collapsing on the wooden floor of a small shelter that protected our already half soaked picnic basket from wetting our sandwiches. You laughed as you pushed my bangs back, picking a few leaves out of my hair, letting your hand linger on my cheek a bit longer than would’ve been appropriate for a best friend. I didn’t realise it then, and you smacked me later when you told me that. _Remember that Yongie?_

Breathing gets harder as I feel my chest tightening, wetness gathering in my eyes, thick lashes trying to blink away the tears I knew would come at some point. _Wait till you’re at the top_ , I tell myself as I continued up the hill.

The wind blows gently, barely even ruffling my hair, nothing like on the one day we spent on Old Shin’s daughter’s sunflower farm. It was a beautiful day; you were so beautiful then. You were always so beautiful. We were in the middle of the field when the wind started blowing, gently at first, soon intensifying so that your hair was flying all around your face as you opened your mouth into a giggle, before rushing to shelter yourself into my embrace. We ran and ran, before reaching the small cottage we were staying at beside Old Shin’s daughter’s (whose name I can’t remember anymore, but she had the same gentle smile as Old Shin) house. Opening the door and quickly slamming it shut behind us I pulled you into my embrace once again. Your hair was all tousled by the wind, petite hands holding a sunflower in your hands until you threw it ungracefully to the side-table, hands wrapping around my neck, breath fanning on my chin. Your lips tasted like sunlight, summer days, early morning dew and cherries as I lowered mine on them. You said I tasted like coffee beans, freshly dried laundry, spring wind and late mornings in bed.

As a child, I could never imagine just what kind of adventures we would get to face. And adventure we really did, to the point we got lost in the woods and waited till the evening by a huge tree before my father came to get us home. Everyone was so worried. The next day you were sick with a fever thanks to staying still in a cold but humid forest, so I brought you tea in a thermo-bottle, sitting by your bed telling you the craziest stories I could come up with. You laughed – and coughed – saying I was going mad, that you’d send me to some place where the doctors would poke my head and say it’s full of cotton candy. We laughed a bit more.

“We were inseparable”, I whisper, looking at the crescent moon as I arrive on top of the hill.

Memories of laughs and cries, jokes and fights over our favourite plushies, gentle caresses on late mornings and forgotten umbrellas on rainy days flooded my mind. Your petite hands on mine in the middle of the bustling city full of people, holding on even under the neon lights of a bar full of other attractive men, alcohol boosting your confidence to the point I had to take you home to be able to control myself under your flirty gaze. You were pouting, but the next morning you woke up you thanked me, lips lingering on my cheek softly before you pressed your nose against my neck and threw half of your body over mine, demanding you needed morning cuddles.

Those were the best kind of mornings.

Your skin was so soft, hold so gentle as you clicked open the lock of my necklace, putting it on the side table next to the sunflower in the cottage next to Old Shin’s daughter’s house, before pushing your fingers into my hair, pulling slightly as your lips demanded my touch. My hands on your hips I pushed you to the edge of the double bed, shy at first, getting more courageous the more I stared into your eyes full of pure want. The air got thicker the lesser our clothing got, skin meeting skin in the middle of the silky sheets we’d brought with us for the sake of saving our host from washing any more laundry. Your voice was so soft, so luring, getting higher by second the pleasure under your skin grew, hands roaming around my sweaty skin, chanting my name like a mantra. At that moment there was nothing else but us, completely tied together. We woke up from those same sheets the next morning in each other’s tight hold. Other people would say that _that_ moment could change everything, but I just fell even more in love with you.

You were the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me. The softest and kindest words, touches and voice till the very end. You were the one who grounded me when I got too hyped over a coral pink teddy bear in a toy store full of kids who looked at us weirdly when you walked with the exact same teddy bear to the cashier asking to get a bow to it from the kind of string people put on birthday gifts. You were the one who welcomed me back with open arms when tears threatened to fall from my eyes even if we had just fought: you were there to wipe away the tears and make some tea before cuddling me to sleep. You were there to argue back about stupid things and laugh at our own stupidity at the end of the day. And I did the same to you. I held you to the very last moment.

Oh, how much I miss you.

“Hey, Yongie. It’s been a while; I wasn’t able to come here earlier. I’m doing a bit better now, I started school again. I was rearranging the cabinet under my table, the same one I’ve had for years when I found a picture of us. We’re sitting by the old creaking swings in your favourite park, hugging each other. It’s from the day when you fell from the swing and started crying, not stopping before I hugged you, pulling you halfway on my lap. The picture’s taken by Johnny or Yuta, so it’s a bit blurry, but I thought you’d like seeing it again too, that’s why I brought it with me. Now you won’t hurt yourself if you fall from the swing, having the soft clouds under you. Make sure to swing so that you fall at least once, for the sake of memories okay?” I sniffled, crouching down to set a slightly blurry, framed picture of two boys around the age of 5 sitting by a red metallic swing, alongside with three sunflowers on top of the black, shiny block in front of me.

_“Why three sunflowers?” I asked, looking at my boyfriend and best friend expectantly._

_“Of course there’s got to be three you silly! One is for me, one for you, and one is for the love between us, cause without it, there wouldn’t be you and me.”_

I could feel tears running down my cheeks as I stared at the bright yellow sunflowers against the black block made of rock. on the slimmer, higher part of the rock there was your name and some beautiful words you’d said yourself on many of those nights we sat on this exact same hill looking at the stars.

_I want to shine bright like a star so I can guide home those who are lost._

_"Cause you were my star Jaehyun, you guided me home."_

“You remember Yongie, when you once said you’d send me to a place where doctors would poke my head and say it’s full of cotton candy?” I chuckle. “They didn’t say my head was full of cotton candy, but they did poke my head, saying it was more like my head was full of ink that seemed to cloud my vision, but that they’d make it better. It was after you were gone. I don’t blame you; I just miss you. I’ve become to understand you and accept it. My doctor says I’m making progress; I don’t have that much ink clouding my vision anymore, a little more cotton candy instead. That’s why they let me out today. Johnny’s here with me, so is Yuta. They’re waiting by the car for me to come back. I have to go now, but I’ll come here soon again. Take care of yourself and watch over my little brother, will you? He tends to get a bit reckless at times.

See you again.”

I get up and make my way down the hill, faster than when I had walked up. Johnny is there to welcome me back, hand wrapping around my shoulders, squeezing a bit as Yuta dries the tears from my cheeks. “Come on Jaehyun, let’s go back home.” They guide me back inside the car, setting the worn-out coral pink teddy bear on my lap as I put on the seatbelt. Johnny turns on the radio as he slowly turns the car back towards the city.

A familiar melody lures into my ears, as I stare out of the city to the sky.

_Who cares if one more light goes out?_

_In a sky of a million stars_

_It flickers, flickers._

_Who cares when someone's time runs out?_

_If a moment is all we are_

_We're quicker, quicker._

_Who cares if one more light goes out?_

_Well I do._

**Author's Note:**

> I watched one documentary kind of video from YouTube and then listened to this song and that's how this story was born. It's not that amazing and I might edit it later.
> 
> I also really wanted to make a sad ending to this, but decided I like happy endings more, so I might make an alternative ending to this later if this gets even slightly popular, but yeah we'll see.
> 
> Thank you for reading, leave me a comment telling how you felt from reading this or to point out grammatical mistakes if you feel like it :3
> 
> ALSO FEEL FREE TO COMMENT IF YOU WANT TO HEAR MORE PARTS OF THEIR STORY OR AN ALTERNATIVE ENDING (like their childhood or Taeyong's point of view from some things etc)!


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